I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
