party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
