i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
