The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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