Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
