Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
