I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
