I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
