there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
