I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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