There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
