Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
