I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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