I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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