Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
