So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
