I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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