Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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