He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
