I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
