Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
