if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize