There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
