Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
