I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
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I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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