I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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