im drinking this country out of the recession.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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