My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
