my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
they're like a gay fantastic four
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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