Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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