My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
