I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
