i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
