You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
