You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
