Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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