I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
