Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
