We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
