Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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