Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
