Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
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I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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