There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Someone came in the potted fern
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
