Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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