i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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