remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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