So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
