Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
