I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Please don't give away my fajitas
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
