The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
What a dumb baby whore.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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