I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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