It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
