Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
