Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
