dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
