you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I forget how to act sober
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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