Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
