Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
