just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
