Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I could make wine with my vomit
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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