that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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