Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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