Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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