So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
