it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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