he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
