The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
