just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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