i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
