help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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