I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
