benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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