I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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