I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
