remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm passing your future prison.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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