handjob tips. give me some.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
