I puked a lego.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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