dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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